Tech Trained Monkey

Everyday Problem Solvers

Category Archives: Humor

About commenting code

I will not lie: I always had a beef with literature and non technical text interpretation. Dont get me wrong: I’ve never misunderstood a math problem text, or a chemestry-phisycs one, but when the literature teacher would say that the poem was about the solitude and the seek of self I was always like “WTF?!? where did she took that from?!? this poem is about a man who enjoys long walks in the desert!!!”. Some say that I might be a little too literal and stuff, and I disagree! I’m practical, rational, precise, objective and I belive that if you want to tell the world about “solitude and seek of self” you should do it clearly and precisely, and not by writing a 200 foot long poem that tells the story about a man walking in a desert.

And yet no one expect to find something like this on poems:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

// Here I’ll define the meaning of life

I don’t live for myself

// And now a recursive definition of life

I live for you

I know, very Shakespeare-like… The point is: Why should a programmer write comments on his own code?!? If something was very hard to figure out and program, it should be very hard to understand and maintain! Right?!?

Reinvention of the Real Programmer

In classical computer science the Real Programmer (a.k.a Hardcore Programmer) is a mythical man who writes code almost in bare metal. The most high level language he uses is ANSI – C and he debug code in hexadecimal and things like that…

I don’t know anyone that fits that description but investigating and (mostly) philosophizing I came up with a real-world definition for the Real Programmer:

  • The Real Programmer leaves no broken windows behind. Ever.
  • The Real Programmer works with his project manager, not for his project manager.
  • The Real Programmer does not complain about anything. Never.
  • The Real Programmer knows that fixing bugs is more important than implementing new functionalities. (See first point.)
  • The Real Programmer works because he wants to, and when he wants to.
  • The Real Programmer uses a IDE, and high level languages, but he’s not afraid to go back to Assembly if necessary.
  • The Real Programmer does not re-invent the wheel. The Real Programmer re-engineers and re-implements the entire car.
  • The Real Programmer documents his code, in a way that a six-year-old can understand it.
  • The Real Programmer knows that the currency for computers is performance. He’s always thriving for the best performance so he can pay a beautiful interface and other items.
  • The Real Programmer does not TDD. The Real Programmer knows that only making the “bare minimum” is not enough to get to Carnegie Hall.
  • The Real Programmer delivers, but he’s not afraid to delay milestones if he feels that his work is not finish yet.
  • The Real Programmer does not fear tight schedules and rejoices on phrases like “The client changed his mind completaly”.
  • The Real Programmer knows how to separate trendy frameworks from real groundbreaking frameworks.
  • The Real Programmer doesn’t wear suits.
  • The Real Programmer’s computer is not a desktop nor a server. It’s a workstation with more than 1 monitor.
  • The Real Programmer only uses headphones when he’s working in a noisy environment.
  • The Real Programmer is always on top of the situation. He’s calm and never looses his temper. Like a Zen Buddhist master

Think I forgot something? Please fell free to comment!

Ideas

I dont always have good ideas for my blog, but when i do, i have a billion at the same time