Tech Trained Monkey

Everyday Problem Solvers

Reinvention of the Real Programmer

In classical computer science the Real Programmer (a.k.a Hardcore Programmer) is a mythical man who writes code almost in bare metal. The most high level language he uses is ANSI – C and he debug code in hexadecimal and things like that…

I don’t know anyone that fits that description but investigating and (mostly) philosophizing I came up with a real-world definition for the Real Programmer:

  • The Real Programmer leaves no broken windows behind. Ever.
  • The Real Programmer works with his project manager, not for his project manager.
  • The Real Programmer does not complain about anything. Never.
  • The Real Programmer knows that fixing bugs is more important than implementing new functionalities. (See first point.)
  • The Real Programmer works because he wants to, and when he wants to.
  • The Real Programmer uses a IDE, and high level languages, but he’s not afraid to go back to Assembly if necessary.
  • The Real Programmer does not re-invent the wheel. The Real Programmer re-engineers and re-implements the entire car.
  • The Real Programmer documents his code, in a way that a six-year-old can understand it.
  • The Real Programmer knows that the currency for computers is performance. He’s always thriving for the best performance so he can pay a beautiful interface and other items.
  • The Real Programmer does not TDD. The Real Programmer knows that only making the “bare minimum” is not enough to get to Carnegie Hall.
  • The Real Programmer delivers, but he’s not afraid to delay milestones if he feels that his work is not finish yet.
  • The Real Programmer does not fear tight schedules and rejoices on phrases like “The client changed his mind completaly”.
  • The Real Programmer knows how to separate trendy frameworks from real groundbreaking frameworks.
  • The Real Programmer doesn’t wear suits.
  • The Real Programmer’s computer is not a desktop nor a server. It’s a workstation with more than 1 monitor.
  • The Real Programmer only uses headphones when he’s working in a noisy environment.
  • The Real Programmer is always on top of the situation. He’s calm and never looses his temper. Like a Zen Buddhist master

Think I forgot something? Please fell free to comment!

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